Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think I sprained my soul last night
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
