roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
