Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
