So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
