my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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