you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
