Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
