I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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