I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
