Cold hands, warm shart.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
