I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
her vagine was all disorganized.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
