Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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