Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
