i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
this hospital has no fireball
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
