I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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