I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
