exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
my liver is dry heaving
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
