i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
where are my eyebrows?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
