Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
