I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
