Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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