Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
