Tell her she can't have a vagina
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
