It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
