you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
