remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
