Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
