That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
