we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
