Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I have already put on my inside pants.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
