My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
