In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yo dont text me then not text me
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
