i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
