Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
