My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
