oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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