we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
