I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
