So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
