We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
