So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My bed smells like the plague
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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