Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
