i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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