you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
