Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
