I don't think brook has ever known best
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
