My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
