Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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