Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
