we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
third nipple confirmed
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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