me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
