Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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